Journey to Sixteen: My Son Zach
Sixteen years ago tonight, I attempted to slow down the arrival of my first child by breathing into a paper bag. I had no idea if it would really help. I was pretty much at the mercy of the attending nurse by that point in the process. If she had told me to boil my own water, I’d have at least made the effort.
With a first baby, it seems that many doctors linger for that one last sip of coffee, check their e-mail, and maybe even discuss dinner plans before actually heading to the hospital for a “labor in progress”. To this day, I don’t know the identity of the masked man who finally delivered Zach when my labor advanced a bit faster than expected. My ex-husband yanked him in from the hallway, stating that I was more than ready to have our baby and that our doctor appeared to be a “no show”. We were pretty sure the guy was on the medical staff, but that detail was secondary by then. The important thing was that this anonymous stranger recovered from his initial bobble of our new son, and that Zach was now a part of our
world.
Hard to believe he was once an 8 pound mass of baby… Zach towers over me now, closer to the clouds than I’ll ever be. I’ve learned so much from him as he’s grown to sixteen years; I can’t fully grasp how much this young man will enrich a whole lifetime. He has such a bounty of gifts and talents, but it’s his heart I love the best.
I’m so honored to be his mom.
I’ve felt more than the first twinges as more and more is released into his capable hands. Sixteen is but a couple of breaths from high school graduation. And Zach’s world of possibilities could take him anywhere…
When he was about four, he promised me that he and his wife would live with us forever and that we’d all play nightly hockey games in the basement. “Won’t my wife be surprised?” he asked me. You have no idea, I thought, writing his remarks into my journal with a smile. He’s a musician, composer/writer, and an athlete. He’s his little brother’s hero. He lights even the dimmest corners of his great-grandma Mary’s room when he walks through her doorway to take her hand.
I tried everything to get labor started sixteen years ago, even running (well, awkwardly plodding) four miles through snow the night before. He was late (some things never change), and I wanted to speed up time to where I could hold this little one I already knew so well.
And now… I wish that breathing into a paper bag really would slow it all down a little.
I’ve told him often that he’s the kind of guy I’d want to know even if he weren’t my son.
So true. I also love to walk beside him, knowing that he is…
Hi Heather,
Hearing and reading this entry made me long to live until the day my own children will grow up, just like your son, Zach. I also want my children (ages 10, 8 and 5)to have all the possibilities and opportunities that could take them anywhere…I married late in life so at my age (well, it’s 47 this year) I may well be a senior citizen when they reach college. But I am truly looking forward to those days. Have a nice day!
That is an amazing story, and I am sure your son is proud of you, it sounds like genuine love between mother and son…thanks for sharing…*smiles*
Hi Heather:
I haven’t visited in a while, thought I’d pop in. Belated congratulations to your son on his birthday. He sounds like a great young man, with an even greater mom. (C;
Jim
that was beautifully written..what a lovely story about a Mum and her son..
it reminded me of what my youngest said to me one day in the bathroom(now 22)I think he was about 5 or 6 at the time..he said…your’e a good wife ar’nt you..and then he said you can’t be MY wife can you ? I think that is the best compliment I have ever had…it was said with such regret..and I’m sure to make me feel good too
Rino,
It’s all “the best” isn’t it? There’s a bittersweet pang as they grow away from each stage of childhood, but the fun of finding new connections with my kids as they mature is truly a thrill.
I know from reading your posts that you are creating “possibilities” for your kids simply in the way you discover your own. We lead by example…
Thanks Jim,
I’m awfully proud of him. I’m really glad Zach’s my first-born. It’s so much easier to grow the others well with a quality “big brother”.
mee mOe,
I know you’re very connected with your family too. We lost my parents far too early. I think loss can refine your perspective in a very valuable way though. Gratitude for one another is a great gift.
sjoukes,
That’s the best! I bet you smile everytime you remember that wistful little face!!
At least you know he’s set the mark appropriately high for his own future wife…
A great written tribute to what sounds like a fine young man. I have a son who is twenty and in the Navy. I am very proud of him. I also have an eight year old and a nine year old, and I am enjoying every minute of their childhood - these will be the last two until the grandkids come. It is great to be able to sit back and look at the heart of your child instead of just looking at the day to day grind that parenting brings. Thanks for sharing this, Heather. It makes me appreciate my own children more!
Hi Terry! You state the goal well: “(to) look at the heart of your child instead of just looking at the day to day grind that parenting brings”. We can unwittingly sacrifice the significant for the mundane simply because it’s more pervasive and insistent. Gotta love the milestones that make it all so clear…
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